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Frequently Searched For Recs, PDF's/Podfics and others // Deleted/Purged Journals // Deleted stories (authors still active)
22 May 2015 @ 09:26 am

I'm looking for stories that have Dean being abandoned or taken for granted by his family, especially John. Abuse is okay too. Anything where Dean is being treated like shit by his family. If he leaves them or does something about it, that's great! I love when Bobby is involved.

08 May 2015 @ 12:12 am
Hey guys,
Found in the comments thank you!
I'm looking for a specific non-con destiel fic, I don't remember many details.

- Sam, Dean and Cas are all traveling together.
- Sam thinks Dean and Cas are in a consensual relationship and books 2 motel rooms so they could have privacy.
- Cas became a human or is graceless
- Cas is not allowed to sleep on the bed, he has to sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag.
- Cas is abused by Dean as punishment.
- Sam finds out Cas is not allowed to sleep on the bed and freaks out.
- I'm pretty sure it was on ao3 but it could also be on livejournal.

I'm also looking for some dark destiel fics, preferably hosted on livejournal.
One of them is dark, both of them are dark, neither of them are dark but they're in a dark situation,etc...
Au's are more than welcome, as are self-recs. I like Sam too so I'm totally okay with him being in the story as well.
Happy ending not required.
11 March 2015 @ 07:29 pm

There were three fics that I read at various points in time and despite combing through my bookmarks, I can't seem to find them (probably because I have too many bookmarks...).

Anyway, the first was a Destiel fic alternate season 4/5 sorta deal. At some point, it's revealed that Dean is God or something of the sort and he has to seal the gates of heaven to stop the Apocalypse. There's a scene in the end where he's about to sacrifice himself and he's telling Cas to let all the angels know that he's closing the gates for good and whoever wants out of Heaven needs to go now. Cas figures out that he plans on dying to finish his mission and begs him to "let it go" (but i don't remember what 'it' was in this fic).

The second story is also Destiel, I think. Dean and Sam were hunting something in the beginning of the story and Dean's supposed to be protecting Grace (or something - I'm fuzzy on the details) and ends up swallowing it, thus gaining all sorts of powers and whatnot? That's all I really remember for that one.

The final one is Wincest non-con. Apparently the author wasn't a big Wincest fan but was tasked with writing a Wincest fic anyway and wrote one where Sam was possessed and rapes Dean. The story opens, I believe, with Sam handcuffed to the bed by Dean but he doesn't remember why or what happened. Dean's skittish and uncomfortable around Sam (as one would imagine) but still hunts with him. I think Sam figures out what he's done once he sees bruises on some part of Dean's body. I believe there also may have been a sequel? Pretty sure I read this one on (And it's not the story where Sam and John were possessed and raped Dean as Hands and Fist under Dick Roman's control.)

I'm looking for any fics with:

1) abusive/drunk/asshole!john abuses dean in any way.
Bonus for (especially) Sam, or maybe even Bobby (or some other character) intervening on Dean's behalf.

2) fics with Jared/Jensen where either J1 or J2 (or both?) is being abused by their spouse/partner/parent, etc. Especially fics where J1 saves J2 from the situation - lots of hurt/comfort.

If anybody could help me find fics like this... it would make me very happy. <3
For reference, I think I might post fics I've already recced' here as well.

The Recs so Far...
My delicious tags for abuse (I must be a many tags):

Recs by ohwillothewisp

  • Old Ghosts, New Love When Jared and Jensen have their first real fight it brings to light some trauma from Jensen's past.

  • Stealing His Omega Jensen was a thief for hire. He had just not expected to find this priceless treasure in the house he was robbing.

  • Wedding Night  Jared is a young omega who is about to go into his first heat. At the same time, his parents set up an arranged mating to secure a business deal. To Jared's surprise, his alpha isn't interested and instead, ties him to a machine with no synthetic knot or alpha pheremones to satisfy his heat - for who knows how long. Jensen is a thief-for-hire (mid to late 20s), and he's been told the home containing his target should be empty, so he's curious when he hears crying and moaning. When he finds Jared, a clearly unclaimed omega all alone, he knows he's gonna steal a little something for himself as well. Besides, an alpha who doesn't take good care of their omega doesn't deserve to keep them anyways. At first Jared thinks his alpha has returned for him, but he becomes frightened when it becomes clear that some stranger wants to take him away. He desperately wants to be knotted but he doesn't trust this stranger and knows that it's very important to his parents that his marriage works out.

  • The Jester Jensen is the sidekick to one of the world's most respected heroes. A man loved and admired by all. What nobody knows is that the hero in question has been sexually abusing Jensen, since he took the boy in as his ward. Warning Jensen that if he tried to tell anyone the truth of what's been happening, no one would believe him, since everyone would just assume that Jensen had been brainwashed by one of his guardian's enemies. One day, Jensen is hurt in a fight against one of said heroes younger supervillain nemeses, aka Jared. Jensen is more hurt due to something that his mentor did to him, than what the bad guy's did to him.  Jared initially just takes Jensen along, planning to use him as a hostage against his mentor, but then he somehow finds out what the hero has been doing to Jensen. After that Jared becomes immensely protective of Jensen, takes care of him and tries to help him. Only stopping Jensen from going back, because he knows that if Jensen does, he'll just go back to his guardian's abuse. And he knows Jensen only wants to go back because he's scared of what his guardian would do to him if he didn't.

Recs by casey679

  • * Bring Me to Life: Jared’s a shy young man, whose life has never been easy. His father hates him, his mother drinks her sorrows away and his husband Paul condescendingly treats him like he is nothing more than a beautiful toy. When his husband has to go away on a business trip to Europe for two months, he sends Jared away to a ranch in the middle of nowhere to keep him under control. There, Jared meets people who show him what love, friendship and loyalty mean for the first time in his life. Can he escape his life and finally find some love and happiness for himself?

  • * Stars Fall In: Growing up next door to each other in Calvary, Tennessee, Jared has known Jensen practically their entire lives. He knows almost everything there is to know about Jensen, harbors all of Jensen’s secrets. And that’s why Jared is hellbent on getting Jensen out of there, before it’s too late.

  • * The Best Gift of All: Sam runs away from and abusive relationship, taking his daughter with him. On the road and trying to get as far as possible on limited funds, his car breaks down. Against his better judgment, Dean, a mostly retired hunter and the town mechanic, offers to let them stay with him until repairs can be made. Together, they find a way to comfort and heal each other.

  • * Shouting Out Loud: "Jensen and Jared are college students who are nothing alike and meet for the first time when they both enroll in an acting seminar. They are cast as the leads in an experimental 2-man play dealing with domestic violence."

  • * Fight for What's Yours: Jensen has to deal with a lot of things: the fact that he's in love with Jared is one. But when Chris asks Jared out, everything changes. Tiny trembles were felt as I pressed him closer and it was clear he was fighting the rising tears. Those beautiful eyes peered up through lashes damp with moisture and his broken voice whispered, 'Can I stay?' 'Oh, Jay…' I murmured, tugging him along the couch until he was practically in my lap and sliding my arms firmly around his torso, giving him the support he needed.

  • * Mismanaged: Jared has a secret that he hides from everyone. The only family he has left, his manager, has been manipulating him, forcing him to audition the old-fashioned way: on his knees. When he meets Jensen, he knows his secret is in jeopardy. When Jensen finds out, will he listen or will he break Jared's heart.

  • * Us Against The World: At the age of 10, Jensen had a car accident that caused brain injury, changing his life forever. Now at the age of 30 he is trying to branch out on his own for the first time. Jared is abused and mistreated by his widowed father. Friendless and alone, he meets Jensen when the older man moves into one of his father’s apartments. Can Jensen and Jared change their lives? Together they have a chance.

Recs by elwarre

  • Dangerous Waters by virtualpersonal: "Two decades ago, Dean Winchester was betrayed and left for dead by his own father. Now, the so-called Pirate King is poised to take revenge on the father who cast him out, and the brother who took his rightful place and has been living the high life. When Sam Winchester sets sail to collect a bride that he does not want, his journey is cut short and he finds himself at the mercy of a hard, bastard of a pirate who hates him and orders him to his bed. Inexplicably drawn to this mercurial and sometimes cruel man who holds the power of life or death over him, Sam walks a dangerous tightrope using everything in his arsenal to convince Dean to change course and see him as partner and ally rather than as his pawn and victim."

Bonus:Recs by rainbowglowing

  • Gunpoint by felisblanco: Jensen got his childhood stolen away from him when he was ten years old. Along with his memory, his voice and every emotion that wasn’t fear, hatred or anger. Question is, can Jared help him get any of it back? And more importantly, does Jensen really want him to?

Hi everyone!
I've been looking through the suicidal tag and I gave up for like 2 pages, cuz they're ALL suicidal!Sam. So I decided just to try my luck here...

I'm looking for stories where Dean is suicidal for whatever reason(Sam leaving him, feel unworthy, being tortured/raped, etc), and he tries to hurt or kill himself and Sam or John or whoever finds out about it and feels guilty or something like that.

I prefer gen fic and stanford!era, or stories set in the first few seasons, but other eras are OK. If the fic has slash content I'd love it features a bottom!Dean. I love long fics, so that I can cry over and savour Dean's pain. ;)

Bonus if the person finds out about it feels super guilty (cuz they are neglecting Dean or something they've done hurt Dean very very badly) and becomes super protective over Dean.
Bo-bonus if the fic also has some delicious hurt!Dean. Cuz Dean is so beautiful when he's broken. XD

Hope I can get manysome recs. ><

Thanks in advance!
13 February 2015 @ 11:46 pm
Hello, so I lost this fic and I thought I had it saved but apparently I do not... So if anyone can help me that would be great! I don't remember the name or the author, but I'm pretty sure I read it on AO3. Anyway, what I do remember is that Dean (and I'm 99% sure Cas) are in a mental hospital of some kind and the only scene I really remember is where Dean was being abused by his past roommate (I think it was Alistair) and he took a screw out of the dresser and tried to kill himself. I think it ends up being a Destiel fic. If anyone can point me in the right direction that would be awesome!
I'm looking for any and all stories that reference the fact that Dean sees himself as a grunt, as the "pretty one," and as stupid. It's referenced a lot in the show that people tend to see Dean as kind of dumb, but also hinted that he's a lot smarter than he seems to act or people seem to think (he built his own EMF reader out a walkman, he's a wiz at cars, and his Dean Smith persona in s4 went to Stanford).

These can be pre-series or not, I don't care. I'm really looking for the kinds of fics where Sam or someone else says something insensitive and accidentally hurts Dean's feelings, especially if Sam becomes aware of all the times he's said stuff like that and realizes that it's been steadily making Dean really think he's dumb when he's not. I'd also like it if the fic referenced the fact that Dean is a high school dropout, but that it was due to the fact that his grades dropped because of hunts, research, work, and taking care of Sammy. Sam being in the fic is a bit of a must, and if it's teen!chester or wee!chester John is a huge plus.

I totally get off on anything that involves Dean's insecurity or emotional hurt and would be thrilled if it was very, very hurt/comforty.

I prefer gen, brotherly stuff, please. Wincest is not my cup of tea.
I know I would be a real jerk asking for this but I just can't help it, so please don't hate me, I do love Sam myself :sob:

I'm hunting for stories in which Sam (or Cas, or anyone else but preferable Sam) loves so see Dean's tears, so he says harsh and mean words just to make Dean tears up, no physical abuse though.

Also, I'm looking for stories with NON-AU Dean or Jensen being in an abusive relationship with Sam or Jared (or Cas/Misha).
I have been searching for these for like 9 months and still couldn't find anythinhg :(

Oh and Bottom!Dean only please. Thank you! :x

Edit: Just remember a specific lost fic: Sam and Dean get three wishes from Santa (?) and use one to kill all the bad things on the world (monster, creatures, demons...). I'm mostly sure that it's Wincest. Please let me know if you bookmarked this one :x
24 November 2014 @ 08:29 pm

I feel like I've read all the good fan fics out there- I need help!

I'm looking for well-written multi-chapter, angsty, hurt!Dean fics with lots of brotherly love (AUs are my favorite- I like plot twists that take me by surprise!)

Please no angels, no destiel and no sexy business :P (doesn't have to be gen, just no sex scenes)

To make it easier for you, here are some specific things I'd like:

  1. Permanent injury

  2. Bullied!Dean, abused!Dean

  3. Weechesters

  4. Pre-series hurt!Dean

  5. Dean hiding injury or abuse

  6. Permanent injury due to torture

  7. PTSD (not hell related tho)

  8. Domestic fics

26 October 2014 @ 09:28 am
My pardon if this search has been done recently, but since there's no fairy tag that I could find I really wasn't sure how to look through past posts for it.

So. Due to another recent search, I read Henchgirl's Nicnivin, which was painful and yet not somehow not overly angsty, with Dean being spirited away by fairies. And although the fic itself is complete, I made the mistake of reading the continuation which is NOT complete so now I'm left hankering for more angsty fairy fic. Not cute fairy fic. Not light-hearted fairy fic. More like Faerie fic (though I always think it's pretentious to spell it that way *snort*)-- you know, creatures that are not nice in any way shape or form though they might be beautiful. Combine that with Dean in emotional pain, and you get a fic like Nicnivin which is di-voon. Any more fics like that out there?
22 October 2014 @ 07:08 pm
I've somehow stumbled across quite a few fics lately where Gabriel or Balthazar or Meg (or someone) threatens Dean about his relationship with Cas because of how protective of him they are. Usually it's the, "you hurt him and I'll [insert bodily harm here]." It's gotten a little annoying lately. So I was wondering if anyone had something where the opposite happens - where Sam, Jess, Sarah, Benny, Charlie, Bobby or whatever threaten Cas about hurting Dean and they're all very protective of him for some reason?n Or, alternatively, where Dean is in a relationship with Cas (or Benny, Aaron - any male slash but preferably not Wincest) and they somehow break his heart. Maybe he's dumped or cheated on or forced to be in a secret relationship with them because his partner isn't out? Abused Dean like with Alistair also works!

Any fic request where it's RPF with Jensen in these situations with Jared or Misha or JDM are appreciated as well!
Current Location: my couch
Current Music: Beyonce
21 October 2014 @ 01:49 am
Hey guys! This is my first time posting, so apologies if I do it wrong!

I'm looking for fics containing all or some of these elements:
- John takes his anger out on Dean all the time, being physically and/or emotionally abusive
- Sam doesn't realise until much later (my favourite fics are where Sam finds out when they're both adults that John used to beat Dean up and Sam feels really bad about it)
- John Winchester generally being a really terrible guy to Dean, e.g. making it clear that Sam is the favourite/most important

Basically I want fics where John beats the hell out of Dean, I don't really care what age!

Please, NO Wincest or John/Dean or really any pairings at all. And no sexual abuse by John please. I would also prefer it to be pre-season 4/without Castiel, but I'll take anything I can get at this point really!

Thank you so much in advance! :)
21 September 2014 @ 09:00 pm
Okay, so I am looking for a specific story and general recs.

Specific: Story about John having abused Dean repeatedly (sexually and physically) and it all comes to light at a party that I think was because Sam either graduated or had brought Jess to the Roadhouse where they are staying. Everyone gets really pissed off at John and Dean has no self esteem to speak of. I know its on here somewhere but I have spent several hours searching through tags and can't find it! Argh!

General: Any stories about others discovering that John had abused/neglected/abandoned boys, esp. Dean.

Thanks ya'll
Here I am again, hi awesome storyfinders!

I'm looking for Sam/Dean fics, two specifics and a general search:

1. Sam is king of hell and he breaks Dean into his role as consort/slave with extreme force. He does this in a broad variety of ways, but one thing I can really remember is that at a certain point Ben is living with Sam and Dean, there to be used as leverage to make Dean behave. Eventually Dean accidentally reveals to Sam that he had thought about killing himself by jumping/falling out of a window, and that wasn't permitted so Sam crushes Ben's skull with his hand. Other details are that Sam is really psycho, very undisturbed by all the horrible things he does. He also kind of digs into Dean's soul with his powers (I think Dean described black tendrils? it hurts), and he kills someone in their bedroom and Dean can't see it because there is fabric covering all of the blood. Ruby is there, and Bobby and Jo and maybe Ellen and Rufus are kept by Sam in the building. Eventually Dean is allowed to see them, but by then he's already almost completely broken in. He also wears a necklace that has power over him in the end which is given to him by Sam. If I'm correct it was a collar first. The collar had the power to make Dean really high and submissive, Dean finds it in Sam's study after Sam decides he doesn't have to wear it in a drawer with all kinds of 'train your dog/bird' books and a diary with how well Dean did with really psycho notes from sam with smilies and stuff (Dean gets really angry when he finds it because Sam had said that he'd thrown the collar out). Also Dean had a tattoo that got more intricate the more he accepted Sam. Lots of angsting by Dean that he still loved Sam somehow and that he gets really aroused by him.

2. Sam loses his soul and turns into a serial killer. He kills at least one of Dean's hookups and also a cat, which he throws out of the window of the car while he drives it. Dean doesn't know he does it (i think) and when Sam get his soul back he is really surprised that he still has the killing urge, although he does regret the cat. He starts killing again, and he keeps one of his victims dogs and gives the dog to Dean. Dean eventually finds out and makes sure the bodies aren't found, keeping Sam's works a secret. After that they start to have a relationship, and Dean goes downhill from there, letting Sam cut patterns (diamonds?) into his skin and being extremely jealous of the time Sam spends with his victims. He follows Sam when he goes to kill one time and nearly ruins the whole experience for Sam, but the next time he brings a camera or laptop or something to show Dean how he does it. the victim is a man and live on camera Sam offers the heart to a very emotional and grateful Dean, throwing it away carelessly because he already has Dean's heart and that's so much better anyway (or something similarly cheesypsycho). Mildly disturbing: Dean asks Sam to eat his heart and Sam cuts away a piece of his skin and eats some of the flesh over his heart then packs it with gauze. The emphasis is really on how much Dean loves Sam and how he loses his sanity, how jealous he is of Sam's victims, that it's not right, and Sam's delight in how much Dean loves him and how submissive he becomes, desperate for Sam's attention. I always got the impression that Dean ultimately wanted to be Sam's victim to be completely his but that might be my overactive imagination. I think I read it on AO3 but I'm not sure.

both fics were pretty long, and if found I really recommend them to everyone because whew are they good. Also both were bottom!Dean.

For the general search: any fic in the vein of the two I just described, emphasis on how the bond between the brothers is sick and twisted and incredibly strong. I prefer bottom!Dean but if it is really good I can read Bottom!Sam, just please warn beforehand. please no consensual (like full, 110% unmanipulated, sane safe consensual) BDSM.

Sorry or the length of this thing, and I really hope they're found! Thanks for reading this!
14 July 2014 @ 06:08 pm
I'm looking for two fics:

1) It's a specific fic, and i'm afraid I don't have much to go on. It's a car accident fic, Jensen/Jared, where Jared is driving and Jared is in the passenger seat. They're hit by a drunk driver and Jared has to go into the hospital while Jensen is okay because Jared protected him. I remember one line because it was so sweet: "The officers voice is soft and gentle. 'You don't know? When we got to the scene of the accident and we had to pull you guys out of the car, your friend's body was hunched over yours. Kinda like he was protecting you.'"

2) The second one is a general category. I read the Broken Verse while going through the abused!Dean tag and i was wondering if you guys had any favorite fics similar to this that you could rec to me. Basically fics where Dean is abducted and forced into sexual slavery. Sam has to rescue a disoriented Dean who believes Sam is now his master and must please him sexually, and Sam teaches him how to be "normal" again. What i really want is protective!Sam, where he is forced into the role of big brother instead of little brother. 
05 July 2014 @ 02:42 pm
Hello all, I'm here looking for some stories with Sam abuses Dean:

1. They still live together, hunt together and Sam is not really evil, just always angry and abusive and can't control himself, it can be a storm of abuse or just some punch. Maybe it's because of the demon blood or Sam is jeolous or his head is too messed up that he believe Dean hates him or he blames Dean for something or simply just because he's angry, ect. I hope it's not only one time but repeatedly. Bonus point if at some point Sam feels guilty, bigger bonus for Dean's low self esteem, think he deserves it and doesn't blame Sam.

2. Pre-series mean Sam bullies Dean (with or without knowing).

3. Dean comes out and gets hurt because of a homophobia Sam

And again, bonus point for guilty!sam and Dean's low self essteem.

No possessed!sam and lucifer!sam, robo!sam is okay if Dean hasn't find out that yet. Wincest is good but bottom!dean only please. Lol this is funny since I really really don't hate Sam, just in the mood, Thank you x100000 :kiss kiss:
21 May 2014 @ 08:57 pm
I had this on my list of things to read and now I can't find it. What I can remember of the summary, Cas is now god and the other gods and goddesses from other pantheons are trying to curry favor with him. Cas requests the help of one goddess (I can't remember her name. Sorry) to train his new slave, which just so happens to be Dean. Set as and AU after the events of the season 6 finale.

If this sounds even vaguely familiar, please let me know. And heads up, I'm not 100% sure on all of my tags. Some are just assumptions due to the outline of the fic.

I could've sworn I had this bookmarked, but it looks like not.

It's basically what it says on the tin: mid-season-four Dean has been regressed to roughly the age of 5, but he still remembers Hell and has nightmares about it; Sam tries to comfort him.  I'm pretty sure it was before the revelation about what really happened in Hell, but child!Dean doesn't express himself quite well enough for Sam to figure it out.  I recall that one of the things Dean says is that Alastair wouldn't let him "have a name" until he said yes, and also claimed that he wanted to torture people, which Dean vehemently (if incoherently) denies.

Any takers?  I am about 75% sure that the author's LJ name began with H, if that helps...
05 May 2014 @ 08:43 pm
Summary: Sam is 20 Dean is 16. so the roles are reversed, Sam went off to college at 18 and left Dean behind with John who verbally abuses Dean until Sam comes back 2 years later.

It was titled Damaged and it was on but now I can't find it.  The link I have is broken.  Does anyone know where else I can find this fic?  On another site or maybe a PDF version?  I believe the story was around 7000 words long.
Well, yeah, it's me again with hurt!dean :)) And this time I'm looking for things like:

1. Sam and/or John use Dean as bait. Bonus point if it's because of Dean's appearance. Dean might get hurt or not.
2. Dean dating both Sam and John. Not threesome because Dean hid it from them.
3. Sam learns about John/Dean. I have already read Surrogate verse.
4. Dean stands up against John for Sam. This can lead to John abuse Dean or not. But please no hurt!sam and abused!sam of any kind.
5. Sam realizes how self-sacrifice Dean is. Bonus point if Sam found out Dean had been sacrificing for him when he was a kid (like giving food - examples, taking punishment - example ect) and feel guilty.
6. teen!chester with annoying, selfish Sam and hurt!dean, bonus point if no one cares.

Thank you :x Gen, Wincest and Daddycest are accepted.
Please no abused!sam of any kind.
Does anyone know any stories (preferably pre-series, but not necessary) that have Dean being abused, but instead of reacting to it with (overt) depression or fear, he reacts with anger and aggression, even turning into a bully/abuser himself?

Abuser can be anyone but John and Sam.

I'd love if Sam and John suddenly don't recognize 'their' Dean anymore. With John maybe initially blaming it on a phase, e.g. puberty, until they find out the real reason. No mean!John, please.

The abuse can be of any kind. Gen or pairings, either is fine.

Thank you :)
18 April 2014 @ 01:04 am
I have been looking for this one particular fic for a long time. I have looked through the tags and haven't found the specfic one. It had multiple chapters.

Dean was kidnapped (can't remember if by humans or demons, thinking more demons) he is raped and beaten, made to think his family is causing it (They manipulate John's voice somehow). Sam 'buy's him from the slave dealer and takes him back to bobbies. Dean is broken and just as any slave would be.

I hope this makes sense. I remember it so vividly! 
Lately, I've been searching for something like:

1. John, Dean and Sam are kidnapped by someone who want to revenge John by making John decide which son to be torture, ect. I've already read "Vengeance", "Privilege of Choice" (and "Breaking Point" too, even that it's not exactly what I wanted, but good anyway). I want it to focus on hurt dean.

2. Sam with power or not with power, accidently hurt dean, I mean physical damage, not permanent but was really bad (and I don't want little brothers accidently punched each others though it's cute). Bonus point if Sam is guilty because he hurt Dean and Dean is always forgiving, and comfort will be nice.
Some good example: "Crash", "Not By Your Hand"

3. Wincest established relationship. Every people (bonus point if it's John) think that Sam is taking advantage on Dean (but he's not) and Sam started to wonder if it was true that Dean didn't love him as a man but couldn't refuse him. Dean comfort Sam would be nice.

I can take rape-fic, Wincest or Daddycest as long as it's bottom!dean. But no Destiel, and no Castiel in number 1 and 2.
Thank you :x

oh and pretend that you don't see the abused!castiel (sexual) tag because I acidently tag it and can not put it down.
14 April 2014 @ 02:15 pm
Are there any fics where sam says yes to lucifer and physically hurts dean(not sexually). I mean like tortures him or just sam torturing dean. I'll accept anything.
05 April 2014 @ 12:04 am
Hi all, I'm posting this to find stories about Dean since I gone nuts for him :) I kinda want to find things like:

1. "When Dean thinks Sam wasn't looking"
2. "Dean hurts himself in many creative ways" - like the first time he used a knife, second time is the zippo, third time is...x time is... (oh I'm just asking for something like that, not exactly like that xD)
3. Dean loves the possessed!sam, the soulless!sam, the evil!sam but not Sam, Sammy is just his brother. Sam can love Dean or not.
4. "Sometimes Dad was drunk" - plus angry Sam at the present when he finally knew what John did to Dean - for some examples: my Delicious
5. "Sometimes Sam did bad things to Dean"
6. Lucifer/Dean - I mean, just Lucifer and Dean, no Sam or anyone else in the story
7. "Dean faced John and helped Sam to got to Stanford even that he was hurt and didn't want Sam to leave"

I'm looking forward to just-hurt-dean-not-sam fics, and please no Castiel. Both Gen and Winsect are fine.
and a little note: no need to recs me purple_carpets' fanfictions because I'm already a big fan of her ;))
Not looking for anything specific... just new fics with:
- John being an asshole / horrible father.
- Dean falling apart after Sam leaves.
- Hurt/Sick/Depressed Dean

I would prefer wincest (Sam/Dean) - No John/Dean unless it's included in a dub-con/non-con situation which would go with John being an asshole.
(* Although just Gen fics are fine too!)

Anything where Dean shows up bloody or battered at Sam's door or where someone calls Sam and he finds out how bad Dean really is since he left.
I feel like Dean is (despite his anti-chick flick attitude) a total nurturer and would probably be lost for what to do with himself after Sam is gone.

TLDR; Pre!Series/ Stanford-Era Hurt-comfort with Sam and Dean and maybe some asshole!John.

:P Just another excuse for Dean whumpage.
Current Mood: probably too many tags sorry x)
05 February 2014 @ 05:51 pm
I am really hoping someone can help me locate this fic. I tried posting this before several months ago and no luck. I’ve added and changed a few things in this post to hopefully jog someone’s memory. I would really appreciate any assistance in locating this fic. Thank you.

Dark!Sam - self-loathing Dean (still not found)Collapse )

affliction: alcoholism, attribute: evil!sam, attribute: dark!sam, attribute: possessive!sam, attribute: jealous!sam, attribute: protective!sam, attribute: stalker,

genre: hurt/comfort, genre: au, genre: dark!fic, genre: dean chooses sam, genre: angst, genre: wincest, genre: ust; position: bottom!Dean; pairing: dean/sam, character: dean, character: sam,

warning: attempt at suicide, warning: non-con, warning: abused!dean (sexual), warning: abused!dean (physical), warning: abused!dean (mental), warning: abused!dean (emotional), attribute: sam's point of view
23 December 2013 @ 05:56 pm
I have an unusual request. Now normally I tend to read gen stories but I've always been a huge slash fan. For this request, I'd like good Jensen/Dean bottom stories. Um to be more specific, I'm looking for stories where he thinks he's a top but turns out to really like being the bottom. So bottoming for the first time recs really. Top This by leonidaslion is a good example if it helps. It's wincest in case anyone was wondering. My favorite pairings are wincest, j2, destiel, jensen/misha and I don't mind wincest/castiel, j3, or j2/misha either.

I'm also looking for very good rape aftermath/recovery stories (with Dean/Jensen being the victim only please). I'm really strict in that request. Only Dean/Jensen. Thanks.

Now I don't mind top!dean or top!jensen stories so long as the plot focuses on him more. Like Monster and the sequel to it Not Waving But Drowning by redrum669.

The final request I have is somewhat like the first one but a bit more specific still. I'd like it so that Jensen/Dean are strong characters at first like how he is in the series, where he takes care of everyone. Then something happens that makes him changed. Like in The Doors of Time by felisblanco or meus_venator's Prime ObsidianRomance's Follow You Down

I hope I've been specific enough and that people have some recs I haven't already read before. If it helps I probably haven't read as much livejournal stories I have on AO3. Thank you guys!
30 November 2013 @ 07:14 pm
I just want a good kidnap fic with maybe some stockholm syndrome vibes in it. No fics where Sam gets kidnapped along with Dean please, only Dean. The guy sexually abuses Dean, maybe Dean gets away at the end. Any fics like this out there? Thanks in advance.
27 November 2013 @ 07:26 pm
So there was this really great fic I read a while back and I was stupid enough not to bookmark it.

Here's what I remember:
John is on a hunt and he leaves Sam and Dean in a motel (I think, maybe in an abandoned house?). The money is running out really quick and Sam is going through puberty and is pretty much demolishing every piece of food within ten yards. Dean of course, lets this go and still makes sure that Sam eats enough until one day Sam drinks an entire thing of milk in like a day and Dean gets really mad at him. Sam stops eating everything in his path but eventually they have to seriously cut back on food because they are out of money. At some point Dean calls John (or vice versa) and John promises that he's coming home (which relieves the boys) but on the way back he is side tracked with a hunt and he sends a meager amount of money for them to live on for the next couple of weeks. I don't remember if this is wincest or not but eventually Dean notices how skinny Sam's getting. For some reason Sam runs everyday (I think it's because Dean says he needs to keep training for when John gets home) and I remember that by the end of the story they have a schedule that they stick to and when John finally comes back Dean is briefly worried that the schedule will be ruined and it will change everything. I remember a line about both of them being able to turn a piece/can of spam into like 3 meals and that when John comes home at the end of the story Dean's worried that he's going to notice how sickly thin Sam is but all John says is something about how tall Sam has gotten (I think Sam shoots up like 3 inches during the story).

I know, super specific and yet I still can't find it.

Thanks guys!
This is my first fic search so apologies for any slip ups (also, sorry to the mods as in my first attempt at this I forgot to add a title :/)

1. Sam finds out that Dean was abused at the hands of their father John. It can be any type of abuse and any rating. The abuse can be set in the past or currently and Sam can find out when they're older or younger and after it's happened or while it's actually happening (John can be dead or alive). Some protective Bobby thrown into the bargain would also be nice. I don't mind whether it's wincest, weecest or just some good brotherly love.

2. Castiel finds out that Dean was abused at the hands of his father John. It can be any type of abuse and any rating. Bonus points for protective and even slightly angry Cas. It can be Destiel or just friendship.

3. And to make up for all the abusive John fics: A potentially funny fic where John and/or Bobby meet Castiel and make reference to Dean and Cas being together. They can be teasing one or both of them or they can genuinely believe that they're together. Sam getting involved into the bargain would be fantastic! Dean and Cas can be already romantically involved or it can happen as a result at the end or they can just be two very confused friends.
27 October 2013 @ 09:05 pm
Hey all!

I'm looking for fics that where Dean is abandoned by his family or betrayed by family friends. I love angst and h/c it makes me very happy. Slash, het or Gen is fine, Au or NonAu is fine, they only thing I request is no Wincest (if the boys aren't related by blood, then no problem). Any fics where Jensen is betrayed/abandoned by people he trusts would be awesome too (again, J2, slash/het/gen/AU/NonAu all acceptable. Someone should come in and save the day, making Dean/Jensen feel loved.

The longer the better!

19 June 2013 @ 05:05 pm

Am looking for a few fics but cannot remember the titles.

Some of what I an remember of these fics are:

- Sam in the (mental?) hospital - being tortured with Drugs and electricity - a nurse takes pity on him - Dean finds her and she helps him find Sam - they meet later in a bar while she is looking for a new job.

- Sam in an asylum - in a padded room with the ball gag - Dean is allowed to stay with him but cannot free him unless its to feed.

- One of the brothers is tortured - they recuperate at Missouri's.

- one of the boys is kidnapped - at the end Bobby takes them to a bike/car show.(Sorry cannot remember more of it).

- Any other Sam - Dean - Gordon fics that are Hurt/Comfort/protective (torture would be a bonus).
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
17 August 2013 @ 02:02 pm
Ok here goes... I was wondering if there are any stories out there where Dean is so messed up mentaly,abused by John that he believes that when John says that he is supposed to look after Sammy and provide everythin for him. He meant everything...

what I mean is this Sam comes out he&#39;s a teenager abour 17 and dean becomes panicked that sam will meet some guy and leave the family so straight dean suduces sam and becomes his boyfriend out of misguided family loyalty..&nbsp; sam finds out and leaves for Stanford.please help if there is something like this.
So I'm very new to this fandom, and looking for a few types of fics that interest me based on what I've seen so far - the core of which boils down to, "Dean Winchester is so very pretty when he's hurt/scared/crying/suffering." Here's specifically what I'm looking for, if anyone can help:

Cut for reference to non-con and violence...Collapse )
Thanks so much!!!
02 August 2013 @ 08:40 am
I am looking for any fanfics where Dean abused by John and runs away.  Simple as that!  Send me all of your recs!
26 July 2013 @ 04:44 pm
Re-posing to specify.

I'm searching for a SUB-STORY within leonidaslion's Suite!Verse. The verse consists of 21 stories, but I'm looking for a specific one, and as it's been ages since I last read it, I can't remember the title.

That particular installation (or at least part of it) was mainly about Sam trying to break Dean...probably because he did something that Sam felt he had to be punished for. Sam chose to attack Dean emotionally/verbally/mentally-- you get the idea. He completely tore Dean apart by verbally flaying him. He threw all of Dean's failures, mistakes, and fears in his face relentlessly, and I'm pretty sure Dean ended up curling into ball and crying. I also think that Sam might have tried comforting him at the end of it? Not sure.

That's the only thing I remember about that particular story. That and the fact that it was absolutely horrible to read. I only ever cry for character deaths, but Sam's verbal abuse was so painful and Dean's agony was so palpable that I ended up bawling for ages. I think that scene belongs to one of the first ten stories of the 'verse, but I can't be sure.

Anyway, I'd be seriously grateful if someone could help me out. I've tried skimming through all of the sub-stories , but I can't find it. Thanks in advance.

Mod: I already know where the 'verse is located. The 'verse, however, contains numerous stories, and I'm looking for the title of a specific one. Thanks. 
25 June 2013 @ 07:14 pm
Gathering some fics to recommend for my friend, and I cannot, for the love of strawberries, remember where this fic is.

It was of a moderately long fic, composed of either two parts or the initial story and a sequel. Dean was deaf from a young age - older than five, but younger than twelve I think. John is emotionally/verbally abusive and neglectful to Dean after he becomes deaf, and then becomes physically abusive after Sam leaves for college. At one point John is possessed by a demon, and Dean does not realize the difference until a few days/weeks later. Because of John's abuse, Dean develops an eating disorder.

The first part (or the first story) is set before/during Sam's Stanford years, and the second part (or the sequel) takes place during season 1. The latter is more focused on Sam realizing that something is wrong with his brother and trying to figure out what it is/how to help him.

Thank you in advance.
24 June 2013 @ 09:14 pm
I just came across this story at an old Dean H/C meme and was wondering if there were any others like it -

I'm looking for stories where a lot was put on Dean's shoulders as a child and Sam finds out. Maybe Dean was emotionally/physically abused as a child and Sam finds out later. I always thought that comment Dean makes in DSOTM about when John found out Sam ran away was telling and would love a fic that mentions it. Please no sexual abuse. I'm open to those roles being reversed too if need be and it being Sam who went through this and Dean finds out. But anything h/c and schmoopy where they discuss this issue would be amazing. I just love stories where Sam takes care of Dean for once. So if anyone knows of fic that fits such a generalization of Sam being the temporary big bro, I'm more than open to reading it!
09 June 2013 @ 01:08 am
I'm looking for fics where Sam and/or Cas cheat on Dean ,cue heartbroken Dean and angst (loads of it )preferably with Dean emerging stronger and doesn't take him/them back easily
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
26 May 2013 @ 12:24 pm
I don't really know how to start this, so I'm just going to jump in. Fair warning, this list is long. Also, I'd just like non-Wincest fics.

1. crying!Dean fics. I don't care why he's crying, I just want him crying and Sam or John comforting him.
2. Dean or John is deaged and Same has to take care of them.
3. blind, deaf, hurt, or sick!Dean with Sam taking care of him. I don't care if how hard the injury is or how sick Dean is, if he's been blind or deaf since birth, if it's permanent or just part of a curse.
4. protective or smart!Sam. Just something where Dean or John realize that Sammy isn't little anymore.
5. girl!Sam. Because I'd bet she'd be awesome, I'd prefer Dean is still a boy, unless
6. doctor!Sam. At least have taken some classes, and how'd that would affect their hunts.
7. Crossovers with Criminal Minds (with a focus on Sam and Reid) or SuperWhoLock crossovers. Any kind. Though a focus on Sam, the Elventh Doctor, and Sherlock would be loved.
8. Sam as teenaged father please, or Sam with a daughter.
9. Sam realizing he's gay or bi, and John and Dean's reactions
10. Sam going back just mentally and impressing everyone with his knowledge, or physically and everyone wondering what the hell happened to make him like this.
11. abused!Dean. Any kind, but I'd like the main on it to focus on his recovery.
12. teen!Sam getting addicted to any kind of drugs or starts cutting.
13. teen!Dean getting an eating disorder or being raped and a focus on his recovery.
14. Basically any Castiel/Sam fics that don't meet any of these requirements. No porn unless it's part of a much larger story.

Okay, so a while ago I read this fic where John and Dean were still hunters. Dean in this story was a girl though  and really shy/meek instead of his normal cocky self. John is pretty big dick in this fic and from a young age started having sex and "training" Dean to be very submissive. Somehow on a hunt Dean got turned into his boy self and I remember John saying that because Dean was a boy now that he didn't want to have sex with Dean and was going to go find someone else. Dean got all sad and possessive and convinced him to stay and they had sex.

I don't think Sam was ever with them in this fic, maybe he died as a baby, maybe he'd left for college, maybe he'd never existed period, but I'm about 95% sure he wasn't in the fic at all. I would really appreciate any help in finding the fic! Thanks a ton in advance! :D

FOUND IN COMMENTS: The story is here

If you'd like to read it as well you just need to join the blindfold-spn community to access all the fics. :)
07 April 2013 @ 01:33 pm
Hi there :) I'm looking for one particular fic and two general searches.

1) The specific story: It dealt with Sam finding out that that Dean was abused/neglected as a child by John - notably that their dad once locked him in a closet or a wardrobe for a long time. I think he was drunk or sad about Mary. Sam was utterly horrified - I don't think it was wincest though, just brotherly love. It's not much to go on but it's really playing on my mind. (FOUND - link in comments)

2) A more general search: Sam and Dean as adults, or close enough, and Sam finding out that Dean was mistreated as a child. Anything from full out abuse to just neglect (by John). I want him to be really angry and protective; making Dean understand that what John did was wrong. I'd prefer brotherhood to wincest but anything along those lines is great.

3) Also any fics where dean is deaf or blind and mistreated by John because of this.
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
19 March 2013 @ 11:48 pm
I'm looking for a Skin walker!Dean fic. I'm pretty sure John and Sam both thought that Dean was dead (or John told Sam that?). Dean might have been raised by Bobby.

I have a clear memory of other hunters calling Dean "Bobby's dog"

For some reason Dean ends up going with John and Sam at some point, and they (particularly John) treat him pretty badly. John didn't want to believe that was his son. I think they force him to sleep chained up in the bathroom in motels (?)

Any help is much appreciated!
18 March 2013 @ 11:25 pm
Hello, so this is my first post to the community so please bear with me!
I recently read "The Jagged Edge," by geckoholic and I was wondering if any of you had any other similar recs? I honestly don't care who is doing the abusing (though I would rather it not be John, in this particular instance), just so long as Dean is the victim.
If there is any sex I really only read bottom!Dean, but smut isn't a requirement.
The more painful the better!
(Also, if possible, no character!hate fics! I love all the boys!)
19 March 2013 @ 01:16 pm
There are a lot of stories out there of Sam saving Dean from an abusive John, but I was wondering if there are any stories out there of the opposite. Of John saving Dean from an abusive Sam?

Also, any stories showing the relationship between Dean and John while Sam was away at Stanford and and stories to do with Dean grieving John.
Not looking for evil or abusive John. Open to any pairings.